Why Pronouns Matter

Everyone has pronouns and they are an important part of how we all communicate!
For transgender, nonbinary and gender non-conforming people using the correct pronouns helps them feel accepted and seen for who they are. In our work with young people, it’s vital for us to respect their pronouns to build trusting and equitable relationships and create welcoming spaces for all our participants to express themselves.

A member of our Ensemble Young Company shared this with us:
​
‘Pronouns are so important to people as it helps them feel validated, respected and listened to. When someone takes the time and effort to ask about and follow someone's pronouns, it shows us that that person actually cares and respects us. It's also important as pronouns are part of our identities. It helps us know who we are and helps us feel more comfortable in our own skin.’ 

​This International #PronounsDay we want to highlight the importance of personal pronouns and help you feel super confident using pronouns. We’ve put together this handy guide that is ideal for parents, teachers, youth workers, or anyone who would like to better understand this topic:

Youth Theatre Rehearsal for Sounding Board: Live performance. Photo Credit Von Fox

What are personal pronouns?
​
Personal pronouns are words we use when talking about someone. They often imply a gender, for example, we typically use she/her pronouns when talking about women and girls or use he/him when talking about men and boys. They/them pronouns are also commonly used when referring to a nonbinary person.

It’s important to understand that although pronouns are useful for indicating and affirming gender; gender identity and expression are complex and personal, and we can’t assume someone’s gender identity based solely on their pronouns.

At Mortal Fools we use the term ‘personal pronouns’ rather than ‘preferred pronouns’ to show that pronouns are not just a preference but an important part of someone's identity. 

Team Mortal Fools running a flag making workshop at Blyth Family Pride, hosted by Pride Action North

Asking about pronouns
​
If you’re not sure what pronouns someone uses, it’s best to just ask them. Here are a few ideas that may help:

• Get used to sharing your pronouns when you first meet and introduce yourself. This can help to normalize sharing pronouns and make the person you’re talking to feel more comfortable.
• Keep it simple! You can always ask for someone’s pronouns by asking ‘What pronouns do you use?’
• Be mindful that not everyone will feel comfortable sharing their pronouns in every situation. It is best to ask politely, and privately.
• If you’ve not been able to ask someone yet, refer to them by name or use gender-neutral pronouns like they/them.
  
  

Pronoun types
​

• Multiple pronouns – many gender non-conforming people feel comfortable using multiple pronoun sets. Whilst some trans people are not out in every area of their lives so will use a different set of pronouns in places where they feel more comfortable expressing their trans identity.
• No pronouns – Some people only feel comfortable being referred to by their name.
• Neo pronouns – Neo pronouns are pronouns created or adopted by the trans community to best reflect their identities. If you’re unsure how to pronounce these pronouns you can check with the person using them or google them. 

Image of young people crafting from our Youth Theatre Sounding Board Filming day. Photo Credit Von Fox

Making mistakes

If you realise you’ve made a mistake with someone’s pronouns, apologise, correct yourself and continue the conversation. It’s best not to over apologise or dwell on the mistake as this can draw unwanted attention and make the person you’re referring to feel uncomfortable.
​
Everyone makes mistakes, we’re all human! Just make sure you learn from them and if you’re having trouble remembering to use someone's pronouns you can practice on your own to get more confident. 

Different ways you can share pronouns at work
​

• Put your pronouns on your email signature, social media profiles and website.

• If you are wearing a name badge at an event, add on your pronouns.
• Wear a pronoun badge. Many different businesses sell pronoun badges, but at Mortal Fools we love using pronoun badges from the small business Pride and Pronouns Etc. Click here to visit the Pride and Pronouns Etc shop  

Running a jewellery making workshop at Ashington Pride Picnic with guest artist Amy Langdown

Want to learn more?
​
This blog has been a simple guide to personal pronouns, designed to introduce the topic and help you refer to people correctly and kindly in your everyday life. However, if you’d like to learn more, check out the following resources:

Pronouns.org has clear and comprehensive information on a variety of topics related to personal pronouns. Click here for Pronouns.org Resources on Personal Pronouns

Them created this brilliant guide to gender-neutral pronouns, including information about neo-pronouns. Click here for Gender-Neutral Pronouns: How To Use "Xe/Xem," "They/Them," and More | Them

Seventeen created this wonderful video inviting trans students to share why pronouns matter to them, drawing on their own experiences. Click here for Why Gender Pronouns Matter - YouTube

If you are looking for support for a young trans person:

Pride Action North has brilliant youth groups and 1 – 1 support for LGBTQIA+ young people across the North East.  Click here to visit Pride Action North’s website

Curious Arts runs Arts Youth Groups across Newcastle, Sunderland and Middlesborough for LGBTQIA+/gender non-conforming young people. Click here to visit Curious Arts website

MermaidsUk supports young trans people and their families anywhere in the UK, through their dedicated helpline, groups and online support. Homepage - Mermaids (mermaidsuk.org.uk)

Two young people performing at Sounding Board Live. Photo Credit Von Fox

It’s important to remember that although awareness of the LGBTQIA+ community has increased it’s tough to be a trans young person today and it’s really important that they have people they can trust and places where they can be themselves and simple things like using someone’s correct pronouns can add up to make a world of difference.
​
We hope you enjoyed this blog and perhaps learned something new. Please feel free to share it with anyone who may find it helpful.